Inspiring While Being Inspired
Toya VS. TransparenTEE: 2011
January 2011
Our roles had reversed & now neither one of us could work.
Now a Full-Time Caregiver, days were consumed with doctor's appointments, chemo treatments, scans, tests, physical therapy, oncology appointments, home health visits, etc.
I watched the insurance provider dragging their feet & wasting valuable time, meanwhile, Moms rapidly deteriorated.
Helpless, I was forced to accept that for the first time in my life, there was nothing that I could to help or protect Her.
When I wasn't treating fatigue, side effects, pain, blood clots, giving blood thinner shots in the stomach, adjusting special diets maintaining pain levels around the clock; I found myself stressing over appetite changes, finances, hoping my Angel didn't see herself as a "burden" & give up. The words SCARY, HARD, DIFFICULT, even, EXCRUCIATING will never touch the surface of my feelings at that time.
It was allot, but nothing could have prepared me for what lied ahead.
March 2011
I lost my son, the stress was too much so the numbness intensified, nevertheless, I had to keep going.
April 2011
Moms went from being an awarded University of Oklahoma employee for 14 years to being a patient at the university's Stephenson Cancer Center (formerly the Cade Cancer Center in Oklahoma City) for almost 2 years.
Mom's condition was deteriorating, her body started rejecting the chemotherapy treatments at the Cade Cancer Center.
I began obsessing, I couldn't live with not doing something..
No time for sleep, I became consumed, I failed to follow caregiver suggestions to rest. When I wasn't researching or managing symptoms of the vicious plague Cholangiocarcinoma that consumed the gallbladder, liver & lymph nodes while waiting on the insurance pre-approvals until our last result, clinical trials.
May 2011
Moms & I temporarily relocated to the Hope Cancer Retreat 38 miles outside of Houston, TX so that she could participate in a Pancreatic Cancer Clinical Trial, sadly her health worsened making her too weak for the case study.
I was forced to face the fact that we were all out of options.
Our roles had reversed & now neither one of us could work.
Now a Full-Time Caregiver, days were consumed with doctor's appointments, chemo treatments, scans, tests, physical therapy, oncology appointments, home health visits, etc.
I watched the insurance provider dragging their feet & wasting valuable time, meanwhile, Moms rapidly deteriorated.
Helpless, I was forced to accept that for the first time in my life, there was nothing that I could to help or protect Her.
When I wasn't treating fatigue, side effects, pain, blood clots, giving blood thinner shots in the stomach, adjusting special diets maintaining pain levels around the clock; I found myself stressing over appetite changes, finances, hoping my Angel didn't see herself as a "burden" & give up. The words SCARY, HARD, DIFFICULT, even, EXCRUCIATING will never touch the surface of my feelings at that time.
It was allot, but nothing could have prepared me for what lied ahead.
March 2011
I lost my son, the stress was too much so the numbness intensified, nevertheless, I had to keep going.
April 2011
Moms went from being an awarded University of Oklahoma employee for 14 years to being a patient at the university's Stephenson Cancer Center (formerly the Cade Cancer Center in Oklahoma City) for almost 2 years.
Mom's condition was deteriorating, her body started rejecting the chemotherapy treatments at the Cade Cancer Center.
I began obsessing, I couldn't live with not doing something..
No time for sleep, I became consumed, I failed to follow caregiver suggestions to rest. When I wasn't researching or managing symptoms of the vicious plague Cholangiocarcinoma that consumed the gallbladder, liver & lymph nodes while waiting on the insurance pre-approvals until our last result, clinical trials.
May 2011
Moms & I temporarily relocated to the Hope Cancer Retreat 38 miles outside of Houston, TX so that she could participate in a Pancreatic Cancer Clinical Trial, sadly her health worsened making her too weak for the case study.
I was forced to face the fact that we were all out of options.
M.D. Anderson Hospital in Houston, TX
What is gallbladder cancer?
Gallbladder cancer is a form of cancer that develops in the gallbladder, a small organ in the shape of pear that is located under the liver, behind the lower right ribs. The main function of the gallbladder is to concentrate and store bile made by the liver. Bile is a fluid that helps to digest fats found in food, and it can be released into the small intestine by either the gallbladder or the liver. Because the liver can also perform this function, the gallbladder can be removed without affecting a person’s health.
YET, HERE I WAS AT MY MOTHER'S BEDSIDE FOR WEEKS.
Numbed, I had to be strong, for her, to fight alongside the strongest I know as she fought for her life.
What is gallbladder cancer?
Gallbladder cancer is a form of cancer that develops in the gallbladder, a small organ in the shape of pear that is located under the liver, behind the lower right ribs. The main function of the gallbladder is to concentrate and store bile made by the liver. Bile is a fluid that helps to digest fats found in food, and it can be released into the small intestine by either the gallbladder or the liver. Because the liver can also perform this function, the gallbladder can be removed without affecting a person’s health.
YET, HERE I WAS AT MY MOTHER'S BEDSIDE FOR WEEKS.
Numbed, I had to be strong, for her, to fight alongside the strongest I know as she fought for her life.
For days I sat while she was non-responsive so Mother's Day weekend was spent in the ICU.
May 8, 2011, Specialists mentioned pulling the plug, it was Mother's Day.
Days later, My Mother, being the fighter she was, kept our promise to keep fighting; she went from not breathing to walking & talking and flying home.
May 8, 2011, Specialists mentioned pulling the plug, it was Mother's Day.
Days later, My Mother, being the fighter she was, kept our promise to keep fighting; she went from not breathing to walking & talking and flying home.
WE FOUGHT TOGETHER!
"My Angel"
I was blessed to call my sHero Mom!
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June 19, 2011 fell on Father's Day and we spent it in the Moore Hospital before Moms was transported to the another hospital where she was placed in ICU yet again. I witnessed my mother crash now for the second time. The cancer had now spread to her Gallbladder, Liver, Lymph Nodes and now her heart.
I was warned that she was the 2nd sickest patient in the entire hospital. I watched doctors perform CPR for hours on the sickest patient who was across the hall. Moms was touch & go, I sent out a text to my closest friends telling them that it felt like it was time to let go. I knew her wishes & promised to be selfless when the time came. She didn't want machines to keep her alive; 2nd & 3rd opinion doctors all agreed, she wouldn't get better. I prayed many nights to take the afflictions in her place, but she comforted me, it killed me seeing her in pain & deteriorating. With her mother & most of her siblings present, I told her that I loved her & that it was okay to go... I know that she heard me because her heart stopped and she was gone. APART OF ME DIED AS WELL THAT AFTERNOON at 3:12pm I remember falling... "What was I supposed to do now. How was I supposed to live life to the fullest if a part of me died as well, nevertheless, the next day came, then the next... I had to become numb to handle it all. My coping mechanism was flawed, being numb was the easiest way to keep it together; little did I know, it was now my turn to fight. Every account was frozen after Mom's passing posted in the newspaper obituary. I was living my worst nightmare! |
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WHAT I WANT YOU TO GET FROM THIS:
The year 2011 taught me that true strength is fighting when you have no more fight in you, yet, you refuse to give in. INSPIRING WHILE BEING INSPIRED #TransparenTEEblogs #inspiringinspired TransparenTEE |